Dear Earthlings,
I received a secretly recorded conversation between two of France's top villains. I am publishing it here since it happens to be of global interest. The setting for this meeting is apparently deep within the cellars of the French parliament.
Bancron (B): What is the urgency? Why did you call me here in the middle of the night?
Le Pen(L): I had to, because you are behaving crazy. Why the hell are you stealing my political platform from me? You are a banker turned socialist turned centrist turned right wing politician. You are not doing justice to France. Stephanie died because of your callous approach to national security, which happens to be our strong point. You are just faking it for the next elections. I will not let you get away with this. You refuse to label the law as Islamic. You deliberately ignore the main motive behind the attack and you are selling this namby pamby law to the highly enlightened French Republic?
B: Hold on a minute. I am not the only one who has shifted positions. Don't you remember how you ousted your hardliner father and moved to the center to make yourself more election worthy. I realize that you have managed to fool the sentimental masses and I have to do some political adjustments to save the French from pseudonationalists like you. In today's world, nationalism is an anachronism. Everybody knows that the law is targeted at the jihadi mafia. We are only being more subtle about it. Such frontal assaults are not appreciated in today's international politics.
I have gone further than anybody on the planet in targeting the JIHADI mafia. Show me any other comparable law in any country. In fact, my law has impressed the saffron mafia of India so much. Taking a leaf from my book, they have passed anti-love jihad ordinances, but like me, they have refrained from referring to Islam in any way. Everybody today is scared of the American Islamophilia industry. Look how they are preaching to us about religious freedom. They picked up all this outdated stuff from us.
L: No, I am not asking you to target the great religion of Islam. I am only asking you to target the petty religion of the Islamist.
B: I have been consulting encyclopedias but I still am not able to clearly distinguish between the two. I think I would rather ask Boris Johnson. He seems to be the global expert on this if you yourself don't condescend to explain to me about this semantic conundrum.
L: Yes, that is obvious. It is because of this incompetence that that Chechen could sneak behind undetected and stab poor Stephanie. You simply cannot differentiate between a peaceful Muslim and a not so peaceful Muslim.
B: That is no problem. Our department is working with the latest technology geeks to invent the most up-to-date AI algorithms and our police personnel will carry those gadgets concealed within their clothing and point it secretly at any suspect and the algorithm will without fail identify the not so peaceful Muslim from the peaceful Muslim.
L: What balderdash, you think I will fall for this crap? I am going to town with your total abdication of responsibility.
B: No, you fancy your chances too much. It is simple economics. More people die of coronavirus in France than jihadist attacks. Had it not been for your high-decibel propaganda, people would have forgotten Stephanie by now. Nobody remembers Charlie now. He is remembered only on St. Charlie's day. The real danger to France is from the right wing mafia like you. You are exploiting the insecurities of Frenchies just like the saffron mafia did in India. We have to learn to live with terror. Did you hear what Vinod Bansal of Vishwa Election Parishad said a few months back. He said his party has no problem if any Hindu girl willfully marries any Muslim. That is what economics does to people. They acquire modern tastes.
L: How could that idiot say such a thing? Will not the population of Taimur Khans increase in India if this is what Hindutva amounts to in practice? Since the property of a Muslim can only be inherited by a Muslim heir, will it not increase Islamisation? In fact, if I come to power, I will derecognize Islam as a religion, I mean the petty Islam, not the great Islam, and classify it as the world's most dangerous STD.
B: I am afraid that will be against the French constitution. In France, swimming in the same pool is a fundamental right. If you try that STD stunt, then we cannot allow free mixing in the pool. I do not think our French women will bear such an affront to their freedom to swim freely with whoever they like and whenever and wherever they like. Besides, I totally believe that free market for sperms and ova will play a great role in the genetic evolution of the French nation. Interfering with free market forces is simply against the evolutionary model of humanity.
L: Our French women have better tastes than to mix freely with Muslim men.
B: Let us leave it for the market forces to decide. My law is the greatest legal intervention in French history after the Napoleonic code. My people are going to remember me for this forever. I have made provisions to stop foreign funding of mosques.
L: And that is why the Green Party is funding a panIslamic mosque . Did you not imagine that people from within our truancy-prone Republic can subvert your law even before it sees the light of the day?
B: I guess I did not expect the left to raise so much funds so quickly. I will have to come up with something for them, but look, all our imams will be trained in Republican values. They will strictly sport only a French beard, only French caps, only French trousers. We will train the Muslims to be more French than the Frenchies themselves. Even Nike burkhas will be banned. Only burkhas designed by French companies will be legal. Can you even think of such hardcore nationalist economics?
L: If I come to power, azaan will be allowed only in French. Namaaz will be towards the French Parliament, not towards Mecca. How can anybody condone such separatist posturing and then claim to be framing an antiseparatist law? All Arabic Qurans will be banned. Only French Quran will be allowed. I WILL SPONSOR THE INTERNATIONAL ISLAMIC BLASPHEMY OLYMPICS. I will make the France the capital of international Islamic blasphemy.
B: That is interference in the great religion of Islam.
L: No this is only against the petty religion of the Islamists.
B: No, I say it is. I will not allow that.
L: To hell with you, I will rid France of all this petty Islam.
B: How can you resort to such extreme measures? What is the difference between you and the extremist Muslims? I will stand as a bulwark between you and the moderates.
L: You traitor to France, I will not hesitate to kill you if you side with the terrorists. The kalima itself is extremist. I will ban the kalima too.
B: That is Islamophobia.
L: No, no, no, that is phobia of the petty Islam not the grrrreeeaaat Isssllllaaammm.
B: The only real phobia is of the right/left wing mafia and I am going to defend the center with my life. I will preside over the Frenchification of Islam and all you mafia will bite the dust.
L: I do not see any Frenchification in this. I can smell Turkificiation, maybe Indonesianisation, but no Frenchification. Erdogan and Al Azhar have been raising hell over France's law, but what has France as member of the UNSC done to take action against the international panIslamists?
B: I am afraid to say that your extremist Muslim friends have strong American allies and France finds itself incapable of any legal international action. Here, I am coming up with such a fine piece of legal architecture, and instead of supporting me for the good of France, you want to set impossible conditions. Your predecessor Sarkozy did nothing. He is now in jail for corruption. You will not be able to convert your tall rhetoric into legal foundation just like your saffron counterparts in India. So scared are they of international condemnation that they are not even making a law, just a temporary ordinance. The people of France will see through your opportunism. If at all you succeed, then the left will come to power just like Joe Biden succeeded Trump and overthrow all the hard work that I have done. The people of France have to be protected from this mafia system.
L: (lunges at B) How dare you reduce our hero SAMUEL PATY to a footnote in this law supposedly strengthening Republican values? I will finish you.
B: (jumps in the nick of time behind a piece of furniture and whips out his gun) If you do not desist...
L: (shoots at B) Bang.
B: Bang
And the rest of the audio is exchange of gunfire and choice French expletives, which none of you will find very entertaining. But if some of this conversation sets you thinking, then you would do well to share it with some of your trusted pals, or you could forget it and wait for events to unfold and experience them first hand.
REMINDER: You can save the planet by understanding this post and sharing it.
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